Emotional turmoil

There is so much going on in my life right now and some of it is not good. We are leaving a church we have been attending, heavily involved in and loved for 6yrs. It breaks our hearts but it needs to happen. Things are being ignored, leadership is being untrustworthy, families are being destroyed, etc. It truly rips me up inside.

I am 19wks pregnant and feel betrayed. I feel there is no one whom I can truly trust but the one true God. I feel a pull to follow closely to His Word. Not "closely" like the typical Christian calls it. As just the New Testament and to pick and choose from the Old Testament. We (Gentiles) are grafted in the vine of Israel. Israel is not to be grafted in the vine of the Gentile.

I am studying on Robin Sampson's website, Heart of Wisdom. I am reading His Word. We are to read His Word and understand it. We are to believe His Word and not take the word of doctrine of one particular denomination or another over it.

That's all for now...

One day at a time...

Wow...I haven't blogged in a while...

I am thinking I will start blogging again. There is so much going on...maybe I should. ;o)

10 Years Ago Today

10 years ago today we made a promise to one another and we are still keeping that promise...to ourselves and to God.

Our Marriage, our children, OUR BUSINESS!

We have 4 children...4 beautiful girls. If we want to have more, it is no one's business. We probably aren't but that is beside the point. We aren't on any public assistance, we pay taxes and we take care of our children so no one is constantly "helping " us . Since when did children start being looked upon as a burden? God says that children are a blessing and a heritage...He says nothing about a burden. An elderly gentleman came up to me in Walmart and asked about Rebekah. He told me he had 15 grandchildren and how much of a blessing each one was. It was such a blessing for me to hear that!

It shouldn't bust anyone's ego that we have ANOTHER girl. It doesn't matter that it is OK that she is a girl because she could be the mother of the next Billy Graham. Just because I got pregnant when I shouldn't have been able to doesn't make Sarah and Rebekah "probably a gift (they are all gifts!). Talking about me using birth control, me getting my tubes tied, trying to convince me to get my tubes tied because your wife never had problems, and about my husband getting a vasectomy is OFF LIMITS! It is my uterus and my husband's penis, it is our marriage and our children...so...say it with me now... IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! Comparing leaving your family size up to God with Him taking your desire to overeat away is disgusting and just shows how little this world thinks of children.

When their confidence is growing...

*This is an older post of mine but I never published it*

Rachel (our oldest) has always been reserved and not really wanting to try new things. Monday and last night she rode her bike without training wheels (for a bit)! You should have seen the look on her face! I know some may say, "She's almost 8yrs old, she should be riding good by now." The only thing (activity wise) that Rachel has ever been excited about is running (like track). She has femoral torsion in her legs. Her femurs go into her hip sockets differently than others. It really isn't that noticeable anymore but it is noticeable to some degree. Over the past few years her confidence has grown and grown. People have noticed it and she has too. She actually wants to play a team sport this year! Her first practice for softball is Friday. She said she is a little nervous but excited!

Elisabeth is 5 yrs old and has always been more outgoing but sometimes would take cues from Rachel and act more reserved than she really was. Yesterday she was fitted for her ballet clothes and will start classes the first week of September. She is so excited! She said she wants to do ballet forever. She also rode her bike for a little bit without training wheels! She was so excited she started giggling and couldn't stop. When I watched her at ballet camp take direction from her teacher and pay attention with such intensity, I started to tear up. This is our little fiery red head that sometimes can't sit still to save her life but she was doing what she loves and wants to learn!

Now, Sarah is only 3 but she thinks she can do it all. She got on her tricycle and just goes. No one had to show her how to peddle, she just did it. She is very independent. At the park Monday, she was climbing this ladder on the jungle gym. Mike was behind her, helping her a little. She was halfway up and said, "Daddy, now you go over there. I do it myself." She climbed up, climbed down to the 2nd to last rung and jumped off. Sometimes she will act reserved (can you tell I don't like the word shy) but again she will pick up cues from the other 2. She wants to do ballet as well but she is not ready...just yet.

The reason I type this is because a lot of people have always told us that the reason our children were reserved (some more than others), wouldn't stay in classes, participate, cry when being dropped off, etc. was because we homeschooled, didn't get a babysitter, etc. Now look at our children! They are growing in confidence at their own rate (not from being forced) and are doing beautifully! They don't have a deer in the headlights look when there are changes and when they meet new people. I have seen public or private schooled children have more issues and have those issues longer than my children but no one commented on them. I just want to let parents know that a child being reserved is ok, there is nothing wrong with it. It is a personality trait and people love to be friends with them. We are the ONLY homeschooling family in our neighborhood. We don't see any children playing outside but when our girls go out and raise the garage door, the kids come out of the woodwork to play with our children. Why is that? I am not asking that question for an answer...I think homeschooling families know the answer.

Midwife appointment~33wks & first softball practice

My appointment went really well. My bp was 120/74 and we attributed it being up a little more because I was by myself with all 3 kids and about something that had happened earlier (no need to go into details). So basically it was stress related, but still within normal range. My pulse was actually a little lower than usual...not sure why. The baby is in the same position, ROA. The heart tones were at 136 and it has been that way for a while. I am also measuring right on target but you wouldn't think so because my belly is HUGE! I will take a pic next week, it will be 4wks since last belly pic. We talked for a little bit and that's it. She has noticed that either I am not swelling at all or if I am, it doesn't last. Oh and I gained a pound. I actually hope I gained a pound and not the baby. Mike keeps saying this baby will be over 10 lbs! Anyway, the baby is healthy, I am healthy and I am believing the labor, birth and post-partum will be healthy as well.

Yesterday was Rachel's first softball practice. I would have pics but I didn't want to be THAT mom on the first day of practice. She was really nervous and reserved at first. We didn't know ANYONE there. Towards the end she started opening up and participating better. She is really excited that her team name is CHAOS and the color is red! She is also really excited that she needs a helmet, bat and maybe a batting glove and bag. She is really nervous about the games and people watching her. But I believe she will get more used to it from doing the practices. There were some parents there that really got on my last nerve! They were getting way too into it and trying to coach their kid from the bleachers. This was the FIRST practice, it was JUST a practice and these are 7-8 yr old girls! There was one dad that berated his daughter for missing the ball. Mike and I were floored at the behavior of some of the parents. I am so glad the coach told the children not to listen to the parents while they were on the field and if the parents couldn't encourage their child positively then to not say anything. Mike said that if he were the coach, he wouldn't allow the parents at the practices. Rachel also picked her jersey number. She is number 10. :-) I am so glad that if they can't make a game or practice, that it is ok. That is good considering it is soon to be that time for this baby to come.

Anyway, that was most of our day yesterday. It was fun...but tiring. :-)

My birthday surprise this morning

My husband has been working nights the last couple of nights. He has been working a lot lately. This is what he had for me this morning typed in WORD.

Happy Birthday

I love you!!!

I didn’t get you anything yet but I figured you’d appreciate a good laugh.

After you X this out push play on the youtube screen. You’ll love this!

Happy Birthday again and I love you

Mike

And this is the youtube video he was talking about. :-) Dance Party in Iraq

Today is the day...

Today we are leaving to go to inlaws. It is a 5hr drive. It may not sound so bad if you weren't 7mths pregnant! I cannot stand traveling when pregnant. We are leaving tonight and coming home on Sunday. Well, just me, Mike and Sarah are coming home. Rachel and Elisabeth are staying for 2wks! I will just have one child...what am I going to do!? Seriously...it will be pretty quiet here. Then Mike will be leaving (possibly) for 2wks and it will be just me and Sarah. I have no idea what we are going to do. I will make the most of it and pray for the Lord to lead me.

Switching gears...Rachel now wants to play baseball on a team! Can you believe that?? She won't play softball, but we are trying to get her to change her mind. It is pretty difficult to get her to change her mind...she is like me. Stubborn. She is doing sports camp at church and last week they did soccer and she liked that but she LOVES baseball. I guess it is in the blood. Mike, Rachel, Elisabeth, Sarah and I went outside to play catch. I got out my old softball glove and Mike loved trying to bean them at me but I did good and caught them! lol It must have been a sight to see a pregnant woman catching a baseball (squatting, running for the ball). It was fun though. :-)

Elisabeth is really excited about ballet. We got her a dance bag the other day and she just LOVES it. She asks about every other day when she can go to ballet again. Not until September. Sarah wants to dance too but she shall wait on that. Let's have mommy get used to the baseball, ballet, giving birth, having a newborn and have Mike being gone first. Well, need to go...I want to clean some! :-)

Validation

To anyone that knows me, you know I am anything but conventional. I have always been the person that did my own thing and pretty much cared less what others thought. That sort of thinking got me into a lot of trouble and produced a lot of heartache for me and family. If only I used that spunk intellectually instead of just by "feelings". "Feelings" get women into a lot of trouble. I have let people get to me when I could have just let it roll off of me like melted butter. When we moved here I still thought pretty much unconventionally (anti-mainstream) but I started to let what others around me affect my mood and change my beliefs on certain things. Well, all that did was create frustration for me and my family. Now, I let other's think what they will. There is nothing I can do to change what they think so why should I bother. I can present the facts and if they are disregarded, they are disregarded...simple. It isn't but that is what I have had to do to keep my sanity. People used to tell me all kinds of things like:

"Why are you breastfeeding?"
"Are you still breastfeeding?"
"You need to leave them with a baby sitter so you and your husband can be alone. If you don't go on a date your marriage is doomed for failure."
"You don't vaccinate them?"
"You use cloth diapers?"
"You had a homebirth?"
"You are having another homebirth?"
"You are having a vaginal birth after a c-section?"
"You homeschool? I couldn't be around my kids all day."
"Are you going to put that baby down?"
"You make your own bread?"
"She is shy because she isn't in public or private school."
"They sleep in the bed with you until they are 2!? They will never sleep in their own bed."
"You haven't spanked them in how long?"
"Time-outs don't work".

That is just the tip of the iceberg. Do most people get barraged with questions like that all the time? I guess some do . All of that got to me a lot and I secluded myself. But now, for some reason again, I got the gumption to not care what other's thought. My mom told me last time we visited that she didn't exactly feel ok with the homebirth thing but she knows me and knows that I am going to do it whether people liked it or not. That is true. The only exception this time is that when I do things whether people like it or not I do it with knowledge and conviction not rebellion against the status quo. All of those things I did and still are doing are WORKING for our family. Here is something VERY prominent that happened last night. Last night was the last night of VBX and the children that were there all week received a gold dollar coin. Rachel walked up in front of the entire church (probably about 200 people were there) and received her coin when her name was called. If anyone knows this child they know that is a HUGE step for her. It was just last month at Awana awards night that she made me walk up there and hold her hand when she received her plaque. Next week she starts sports camp at church and has been participating in the games at VBX and that is HUGE too! She will be 8yrs old at the end of Aug and it seems like yesterday she was a baby. Elisabeth is finished with ballet camp and starts ballet in September. She LOVES it! I have another pic to post from her last day at camp. Sarah, well what can I say about Sarah. She is potty trained, for the most part and will be 3yrs old in 6 days! She wants to do ballet too but we are probably going to wait a year or so to put her in (if she still is interested).

Our children aren't perfect but they are healthy, happy, fun, intelligent, well-behaved (most of the time) and people love to be around them. What else can a mommy and daddy ask for?

Where did the time go?

I "think" I am actually starting to feel better...well, part of the day anyway. We had another ultrasound at 15w 6d and we think boy but it was an early ultrasound so we are going to go for another at 20w or so. Here is the ultrasound:

The baby was very shy and would not open his or her legs. But the boy feeling is not escaping me and the Lord is saying for me to believe Him...so I am.

I have been crying some about the deployment still but I am handling it really well...at least for a pregnant woman. I made a military wife no-no (at least for a wife of a soldier like my husband). He told me that number of troops that may be needed from the GA ARNG are lowering. So I said, "That means that you may not have to go!" Ok, anyone who has seen Army Wives and saw the episode before last (when Roxy's husband got hurt at the pool) knows how he felt when she said that to him. That is exactly the way my husband feels. He is a soldier through and through and loves his unit and the Guard. Sure, he wishes he was still able to be a Ranger and in his heart he always will be but this is his calling now. He wants to do his job. They are trying to fast track his promotion so if they do get to send someone...the experienced NCO's will go. I am trying not to think about it too much, I have a healthy baby to grow. Well, that's all for now...I am tired and need to go to bed.

The Best Day

I apologize for not writing lately. A lot of things have been going on. I am still praying about the previous post. I still haven't started the devotional. Everything is somewhat less hectic now and I am planning to start this Monday. Here is a story I wrote about our nature day. I will post more about our day on our creation blog. Have a wonderful weekend! :-)



A neat little story...

It was Thursday. We woke up, had breakfast, did a little school...now
for the FUN part...the park! We packed a lunch and headed to the
park. We ate, played on the playground...then we went on our walk.
The kids and I decided to try to see how big the ark was...could God
really fit ALL those animals in the ark??? We shall find out. We
took 450 steps (that should be good, right??) and looked back. We
could not see where we started! The ark was HUGE! My oldest said,
"There was a lot of room on the ark. All the animals and more could
have fit!" They were very excited. I saw a little wooden swing and
suggested we go sit up there. We found a huge tree stump. They
jumped, sat and watched the bugs. Then we went and laid on the grass,
oh how soft it felt. The children went rolling and rolling. Then
they stopped, looked at the sky and just stared. They seemed to
marvel at it all. They took it all in. We just sat there listening
to the breeze and birds. It was so relaxing. Then the little one
found something. Then my middle one came over and said, "Ooooh,
Mommy, MUSHROOMS!!" So we crawled over to see them. I asked my
oldest to get the field guide so we can find out what kind they are.
They are meadow mushroom, whew...not poisonous. So we dug them up and
dissected them. After that...we decided to race! Oh my, my oldest is
FAST! After she raced past me she suddenly stopped. She had found a
huge rock. She grabbed the field guide and discovered it was white
quartz. There were smaller pieces around but still pretty big. My
oldest and middle started pounding the smaller one's on the big rock
to break them open. Oh how white and beautiful it was on the inside.
We found such treasures! I took pictures of them all. As we were
walking back my oldest grabbed my hand, looked at me and said, "Mommy,
this was the best day." I said," Yes it was. Let's go home and have
some hot chocolate!"

It WAS the best day. It was OUR day. You can have YOUR BEST day too. :-)

Thinking about something...

I have written a testimony of mine. I am not sure if I should put it on here. It is very abrasive. I am still praying about it.

I am planning to start A Place of Quiet Rest tomorrow. At any time if anyone wants to join in...come on! :-)

God is in control…

April B

So, what do you think?

What do you think of the new blog layout? Seriously...I really want to know. :-) I am making the menu and paying bills, along with some major cleaning today. I would go pay bills now but R is a little under the weather and I don't want to leave while Mike is still sleeping. Maybe I'll post a little later. Oh...yesterday was the last day of store bought bread! Making our own from now on! The girls are so excited! You would think they haven't had home made bread before! lol

Love, live, laugh & learn!

April B

*Update on orthopedic appointment*

R's orthopedic appointment went well. She had quite a bit of anxiety there but she did well. He said she has hip dysplasia. He believes she won't need surgery because it is mild and she can do her normal activities. But he is referring her to a pediatric orthopedist that comes to Athens once a month from Atlanta. That is just for him to look at the xrays and to confirm the diagnosis and what treatment would be needed if any. The only thing that will correct hip dysplasia is surgery, so praying it doesn't come to that. Thank you to all that were praying and please continue. :-)

Edited to add: Hip dysplasia is common in girls who were breech, which R was (footling).

God is in control…

April B

Selective Mutism

We have always thought our oldest was just painfully shy but now I have to wonder. According to some info I have read she may have extreme anxiety with selective mutism. It is difficult for me to comprehend but here are the resources I have found. To my family and friends that have been around R a lot, let me know what you think.

If you can...watch the video on the right:

ABC News

Selective Mutism Info

About Our Kids~Selective Mutism


Oh we have a prayer request. We are taking R to the orthopedist Wednesday about her legs. She is worried that she may be in a brace and we are praying for super natural healing or at least no surgery. Thank you...

God is in control…

April B

So sorry :-)

I am so sorry about the abruptness of the note the other day. I should have put a smiley face by it or something. I am still trying to get things squared away. My husband and I were talking about dreams the other day and here is one I had recently...it was lovely. It showed how simple I long for life to be.

A cabin in the mountains...




A cozy library...
This is actually from this blog.











An organic garden to tend to with my children...






Looking at a mountain sunrise in the quiet of the day while anticipating what the Lord has in store...












For my children to long to learn and being in the midst of God's creation...
















Looking at a mountain sunset with my family and talk about the blessings the Lord has bestowed on us and thank Him...






What is funny as I look at these pictures is that I have most of these already! I don't have the cabin in the mountains, I don't have the cozy home library, or the mountain sunrise and sunset. But I do have beautiful home with every room full of wonderful books. The sunrise and sunset in NE GA is beautiful and needs to be and is looked at in awe with my family. My children love learning about creation and being in the midst of it. It is awe inspiring how they relish every moment of it. Maybe my dream was a way for the Lord to show me that I do have it all and He is the source of it all. May we praise Him with all we have and do!!!

Love, live, laugh & learn!

April B

I have to go for now...

Do not expect me on here any time soon

May you be blessed...

I am on a mission...

I am on a mission to revamp my schedule, read my Awana material and look over the Sunday school stuff for this week. I have not been getting the sleep I need, which is pretty selfish because I become a grouchy mommy. I know what I need to do to get things flowing...just need to get off of this pc and do it! Have a blessed day!!

Love, live, laugh & learn!

April B

Autumn

"Autumn Solitude"

Print #SM008
Autumn Solitude
Stone Mountain Park, Georgia

I can't wait for it to look like this! I love autumn!!! You can get this print here.

Love, live, laugh & learn!

April B

We are FINALLY back!!

We have been back since Monday afternoon but so much has been happening that I haven't had time to blog. Our vacation was fun but since when do you need a vacation after you come back from vacation? We went to see both of our parent's too. Boy, there are some very negative family dynamics going on there...with both families. I just pray for grace, peace, forgiveness, and knowledge for both sides of our family.

It is usually easy for us to get back into the swing of things but we were gone for so long. I think it won't be until this coming Monday that it will be "normal" again. We started new activities this week and the girls enjoyed it. It is taking a while for R (she is pretty reserved and I believe some sensory issues). She is painfully shy really. She said she feels sick when she is around a lot of people she doesn't know. But she is doing better. E is taking a time to warm up but once she is and isn't hungry, she does WONDERFUL. That is all for today. I will post tomorrow evening and maybe Saturday.

May the Lord bless you this day! :-)